Information about consent

Consent should always be given freely without fear, pressure, coercion or manipulation. It can’t be given by someone who’s incapacitated, like if they’re drunk or high.

Example

You meet someone on a night out and you really like them, but you’re not ready for things to progress physically yet.

They keep asking you repeatedly, and you like them so much that you eventually say yes to make them happy. In this scenario, because you’re pressured, consent is not freely given.

Consent can always be revoked – you're allowed to change your mind at any time about what you’re okay with.

Example

You’re getting physical with your partner, and even though you’ve had sex together before, for some reason you’re just not feeling it right now.

You tell your partner you’re not into it and say you want to stop. In this scenario, you gave consent and then revoked it.

You can only consent to something if you know all the details of what you’re agreeing to before, during, and after.   

Example   

A sexual partner says they’ll use a condom. Partway through, they take it off without you knowing because they say it feels better.

In this scenario, you didn’t agree to have sex without a condom so consent was not informed.

When it comes to sex, you should only ever do things that you really want to do.

Consent means the presence of a ‘yes’ – whether it’s verbal or non-verbal – rather than the absence of a ‘no’. Nobody should feel pressured, uncertain, or hesitant.

Example

You’re trying something new with your partner. They seemed a little hesitant at first and you aren’t sure if they’re having a good time, but they haven’t said they don’t like it, so you keep going.

In this scenario, you don’t have full consent because you don’t have any verbal or non-verbal cues that your partner is enthusiastic.

If you’re not sure your partner likes what you’re doing, you should always check in with them to make sure they’re comfortable.

Giving consent to do one thing doesn’t mean that you’re okay with doing anything else. Never assume someone is okay with doing something if you haven’t asked first.

Example   

You agree to go to someone’s bedroom to make out. They start taking their clothes off and touching you. In this scenario, your partner doesn’t have your full consent.

They should have checked in with you to make sure you were okay with doing more than kissing without making assumptions about what you would be okay with.  

Some phrases you can use before trying something include:

• Is it okay if I ...?
• Do you want me to ...?  
• What turns you on?
• Can we try ...?
• Can I ...?
• How do you feel about ...? 
• What do you want to do?
• How far do you want to go?

You should check in regularly with your partner to make sure they’re still okay with what you’re doing. You could ask:    

• Is this okay?
• Should I keep going?
• Do you like that?
• Does that feel good?
• Do you want me to stop?  
• Are you sure you’re okay with this?

You should also pay attention to your partner’s actions to make sure they’re enthusiastic about what you’re doing. This could be:

• moaning or making pleasurable sounds
• making facial expressions that show they’re enjoying themselves
• participating in touching you and kissing as much as you are.

Set clear boundaries so your partner knows what you like and are comfortable with. Try phrases like:

• That sounds great
• That feels amazing    
• Let’s do that more  
• I’d like to try
• It feels good when you
• Yes

You can also show your partner you’re enthusiastic about what they're doing by:    

• nodding your head
• making direct eye contact
• touching them
• pulling them closer
• initiating sexual activity that you’ve agreed to 
• laughing or smiling.

If you’re not into something, whether that’s from the start or part-way in, it’s always okay to say no. Use these phrases to set clear boundaries:  

• No
• Stop
• I’m not really feeling this right now
• That doesn’t feel good for me
• I’m not comfortable with ...
• Can we ... instead?